My husband is not attracted to me!

We have been married for a little over a year, and last night I could take it any more so I just flat out asked him why I can���t get his attention. For the past few months I have tried EVERYthing to get him to really look at me. My hubby is a very honest man so he did not hold anything back and he bitched about everything about my body!! Ok I take that back he did not say anything bad about my butt.

The whole time I have been with him my hair has been light blonde ( my natural color) and he told me that he did not like blondes, he wishes my hair was black. When we first met I was about 135lbs

( im 5 10) then when we had are son I went up to 180lbs, HE was not happy about that and he let me know it, so after our son was born I worked my ass off, I am back to 135 (go me������.. I thought) b/c I lost the weight so fast it made my boobs A LOT smaller, now I am at a 36D. And he now hates my boobs, but wants me to lose more weight!

I don���t want to change who I am, but I want so bad just to make him happy!! Everything else in our relationship is fine; I don���t know how this happened!

A few months ago when I asked him what he wanted me to do different he said it would be nice if I got my nails done, did my hair, and make up EVERYDAY. SOOOOOOOO I did he never said anything, he never noticed.

OH but at the same time when his friends are around he talks about ���how hot��� I am. So is he just doing this to break me down, for so sick reason??

He gets so mad when I am upset, but he pushes and pushes until I lose it and start crying. He is a great guy I just don���t know why he is say this now, when have been together for 6 years. Do men just change like that?


Comments

  • momsrock said Sep 29, 2006...
    Mine was a completely different man as soon as we boarded the flight home from our honeymoon. I have no idea why...
  • silverwhisper said Sep 29, 2006...
    wait a sec: how's he changed since your marriage? and frankly, i don't think a great guy would insist on making you feel like crap. ed
  • ALIENated said Sep 30, 2006...
    That pisses me off. I consider myself a connoisseur of mature (over 21) women. I have called myself the Will Rogers of mature women (I have never met one I did not like). And I mean sexually. (There are some bitchy women that I would rather not be around.) I think every women, if properly presented, has something to offer. Your hubby may just be an ahole. He may not know what he wants. He may just want to be free. And then he will be sad because he is not married. I was going to suggest that maybe you should try harder by dressing up and doing makeup, but it sounds like you have gone that route. Did you mean 5'10"? You must be striking. Next to tiny women, I love taller women, and of course the ones in between. Maybe your hubby likes boys? I know, it is not all about sex. You would just like some conversation, maybe a night on the town, dinner and dancing. I will pick you up at 8. Now, forget him. More about that butt...
  • secretlife said Sep 30, 2006...
    he can't be a great guy if he makes you feel like shit. maybe you love him, but that doesn't make him a great guy. I've been where you are and you know what? you might be able to please him by coloring your hair or losing 10 lbs, but that kind of person isn't going to stay happy for long and will find something else to pick on later. Look at yourself. If you like what you see, then take a long hard look at him. I'm 22 yrs into my marriage, and i've had to change myself and not look to my husband to provide my self esteem. I think they pick on us because there's something wrong with them and instead of talking about what's wrong, they make us feel miserable too.
  • hottmom said Oct 1, 2006...
    secretlife :I competly agree with you ALIENated: Yes I mean 5'10" ( it got cut off sorry).Yon know I do think that I am “STRIKING”, my hubby just brings me down. LOL you put a smile on my face that has not been there in a while. LOL thankz
  • memyself said Jun 15, 2007...
    I feel the same way. I have been married just under a year and my husband doesn't even look at me in any way unless he is telling me that I do not need to eat. Yes I am a bit chubby at 175lbs and only 5ft 6 but I am happy with myself. I have gained 25lbs in the last year in a half. He says that I am the biggest women he has been with which plays in my head a lot. I wonder if my boobs are too saggy or my butt is too big for him but frankly I am not so sure if I should change for him. Wow! I wonder how much he really loves me if he can't even get attracted to me.
  • ALIENated said Jun 16, 2007...
    memyself: yum. You sound just right. When I was younger, I usually ended up with, let us say, women who had more to offer. And it is almost impossible for a woman's butt to get too big. It can happen, but not often.
  • Lamorian said Jun 19, 2007...
    Hello I am going thru the same thing I am 23 and have been married for a little over a year at first things were perfect I couldnt have asked for anything more but as of about a month ago my husband  stopped wanting to have sex with me and just today I asked him why and he said that he wasn't attracted to me anymore as if that wasn't bad enough when I asked him why he wasn't he said that it is because it's old now sleeping with the same one for the rest of your life... He says that he still loves me and wants to stay together but he never wants to have sex with me again if you ask me it doesn't sound like he loves me at all but I'm not sure what do you all think...?
  • ever_green said Jun 26, 2007...
        it's pretty much the same with me, but we have been married for a little over half a year. We met online last year, he came over and visited me and we got engaged. Then i moved in with him, which was in a different country, but still in europe. Even when we were still engaged, he used to flirt with a lot of women online, especially using myspace. i ran into the messages and they broke my heart many times :( He used to joke with an ex of his about having great sex with her, and all I could think about was that we had sex about once every 1-2 months. And it;s funny because he seemed to be really attracted to me at the beggining. Even the first night we slept in the same bed, he had a hard time controling himself, you know what i mean. And then we got married, and I saw a message in his email inbox from the same ex.. and he gave her a "sweet" reply :( what the hell can be wrong I thought. I've asked him several times why he doesn't want to have sex more often, or why doesn't he touch me like he used to..first he said i should wear different clothes, lately he answered that I should be more independent. i feel so useless in his life, even though he tells me he loves me so much and makes me promise that I will never leave him. Sometimes he doesn't let go of me untill he thinks that I've kissed him enough. he's wonderful, he really is. And oh, there are 16 years between us, i am 20. I don't know what's wrong, I consider myself to be an attractive woman, i'm in good shape even though because of the crappy mood that I'm in today i screwed my healthy eating for today.   he watches porn almost everytime he's alone with the computer :( Sometimes i feel he doesn't even need me but to cook and clean, he can get his fantasies with the movies he watches. What shall I do? I cry almost everytime i try and start talking about it, even though lately he noticed that something is wrong. I don't feel strong enough to explain him how i feel. i'm a wreck inside. Please, i need some good words. 
  • chim41chim said Jan 30, 2008...
    Your husband is a porn addict and needs help. If he doesn't get help, leave him, especially before you have his children; or better yet, don't even have children with him. Find yourself a better man. You don't need a man like that in your life. This is why he doesn't want sex with you: because he is addicted to porn. For most, it steals the heart away from the entended other. I'd leave him if I were you. Love, Daidra
  • LadyKaye said Oct 9, 2008...
    it sounds to me all you women are going through your two year itch. a lot of marriages end within two years. And having a child adds on to it. Me and my husband are going on 2 1/2 now. and we are going through the SAME thing you all are. I'm guessing the reason of the two year itch is because reality sets in finally. and yes you may not know at that point what you want. I do no agree with men and how they want to change the way their wife looks. we are the same as you first married us. just a couple lbs heavier. I love my husband to death. But he hasn't been making me as happy as i can be. Just like you guys have mentioned, he doesnt find me attractive. I got married when i was 18. And its hard at such a young age to feel unwanted by someone you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with, and its only been 2 years, and its difficult already. Its hard to have a child. It changes a lot, for the better or sometimes for the worst. Even though I feel unhappy with how i look, i try and keep my mind off it. because my baby girl is my life now. She goes first. my marriage goes second. Just go out and do something that makes you feel gorgeous. Even if that means get all dressed up and go to the mall just to see how many men hit on you, sounds crazy but you'll realize you still got it. And the person with the problem isnt you its your husband. Just notice all the things you guys have been through together, and realize how much your marriage has improved so far. You always get to a rough spot in your marriage, but if you guys are meant for eachother. it will work its way through and smooth out eventually. By the way I'm sure all you women are gorgeous. You know when you look like shit and you know when you look good. If he dont want to have sex with you, get a "personal vibrator" lol. take sex away from him. :D
  • centari said Oct 30, 2008...
    i'm in this situation right nowwe've been married for 11 months, our baby boy is 6 months old, dated for 3 months b4 we got engaged & 4 months later we got married... since our bub arrived we havent been as active (for the lack of a better word) as before... he says he's tired - heck so am i, yes i know i had 3 months maternity leave but mg its hard work looking after a bub at home & doing the usual house work - and now bub is with me at work so i think i'm the one who's supposed to be TIRED... He says he's not in the mood - like hello am i not the one who's supposed to use that excuse???He says he is scared we get pregnant again - i am on contraceptives & we always (since pregnancy) use condoms... y dont u just dbl bag then???if we made love 6 times in the last 6 months its alot - actually i can count the amnt of times on one hand...how do i get him to be interested in me again????
  • msproper said Feb 26, 2009...
    I believe he is cheating. He is coming up on the 7 year itch. My husband did the same thing to me; as soon as he did that, I suspected that he was cheating, but I could not prove it until the other woman's husband called my house. Of course he denied it until he had no other choice but to acknowledge his infidelity.
  • housewife87 said Mar 7, 2009...
    i am so glad i found this blog. last night i got a little druk with my husband (1 1/2) and just staright out was like..."why won't you have sex with me!?" he got defensive, and said its nothing. then i brought up all the things I have done in the past month to get his attention, then he said your not that attractive anymore, you're fat. of coarse ive been crying like a baby ever sine. i have gained 20 pounds....but he has too. i acctually have been trying to diet and feed us both healthier food. i work out on a treadmill, but its hard to have motivation to look nice when hes not treating me special. so do i not deserve being treated nice untill i look nicer? i dont know. ive noticed he watches porn constantly, and they are nothing like me. it sucks because he knows how hard keeping a healthy weight has been for me my whold life, yes im thicker, but i dont look like an obese monster that he makes me feel like. im 5'3 and 170 38c and majority of my weight id my butt and thighs. i love him, and he said i meen the world to him and he loves me. i meen i knew i needed to lose weight, but now its like i have this horrible motivation to acctually do it, because my husband isnt attracted to me and wont have sex with me...i feel stuck and miserable, but i dont want him to know it, obviously he heard me crying but i want to be strong in front of him, so i dont look immature and stupid but my heart is crying out..HELP ME... BE THERE FOR ME... this sucks, and just when i was starting to feel good about myself for dropping 5 lbs. now im being reminder that im a heffer!
  • lovebugs said May 1, 2009...
    i knw what u mean, i have been married fr 2 and half year now and love my hubby loads. we have been thro so much but we used to have an amazing sex life and i do mean amazing, with dressing up and role play and porn etc everything to make him want me and a thrill. but he never pays me attention and doesnt knw the meaning of romance. it completly tears me up inside. we are sussposed to spead our whole life together but im not happy and hate my self. i miss those long kisses and the way he used to look into my eyes or even tell me how he feels. we got married at a young age, i am fat and i knw it and so far i have lost 3 stone but it doesnt matter to him. he puts everything before me and sumtimes i just wish i wasnt around any more. it hurts what ever happened to our knights in shinning armour???
  • flowryname said Oct 29, 2009...
    So what did you do about it, hotmom? I am the mother of 4 children. I am 35 years old and 5'2 1/2 and just had my fourth child 2 mths ago. My husband said he is not sexually attracted to me today. I have noticed and complained and we have had arguements about, how he never spends time with me he is always on the computer or in front of the tv when he gets home from work. I have accused him of cheating and he says he isn't. I talked to him and told him this morning tomorrow will be 2 weeks that we haven't had sex(I was released from the dr to exercise 2 days ago and the last two days he hasn't even acted like he was wanting to either). We normally have sex or HAD sex once a week while I was pregnant and I am 30lbs smaller than I was then. He said I had an excuse for being bigger then and he said when he text me this afternoon while he was at work he felt terrible for saying it cause he knows it would break his heart if I ever said that sortof thing to him. He said it because I kept saying just tell me the truth what is the problem??!! (I yelled it actually). He said the real reason he doesn't want to have sex with me is because he is not sexually attracted, I take that to mean not physically attracted but, he was apologetic and said there is nothing wrong with me that he thinks I am pretty but,....he's just not physically attracted to me..and there is no "spice" in our marriage. I have no idea what that even MEANS!! I am so frustrated. So, I just don't know what to do other than work my ass off and lose all this weight but, he also said since I just had our baby girl two months ago we just say "lets go do it" and have sex there is no excitment. Well, now that I know he thinks I am fat cow I don't think I will be  putting on any lingerie until I am about 40lbs slimmer. I have the Wii active and just started using it to. I am on the 30 day challenge. I don't want to start out too difficult after just having a c-section two months ago. Anyway, I was curious to know how you fixed that problem. I think the only thing that will fix mine will be to leave him or lose weight. I don't want to leave him, I am humiliated and I had a good cry but, I asked him for the truth and he gave me what I asked for. I am really glad he isn't cheating on me but,...this is right up there in that category it seems like to me.
  • Wow said Nov 15, 2009...
    I am frustrated with my narcissistic, pathological lying , alcoholic, porn addicted husband. We have been married for nearly 10 years this come April. I have four children. My self esteem has gone out the window, but not completely. I do regret ever marrying this man as he has mostly brought grief to me and is so hurtful without remorse even after confronting him. He may say sorry after I say that he was being hurtful, only after I say it probably would have helped if he was sorry. Honestly I don't think he really cares. I feel that if I was in a more financially viable situation that I would have left him a long time ago. Now, I am trying not to focus so much on his disgusting behaviors. Within the last year he was made to go to AA and go to a rehab facility, but only did enough to keep himself from being canned by his employer. I was not aware at the time of his porn addiction where he would stay up for hours on end drooling and lusting after these other women in photographs. It was only when I ran back home because I forgot my wallet did I see on his big computer screen a huge vagina shot, completely vulgar picture on his screen as he hurried to close down the screen. I confronted him obviously with disappointment, saying to him that now I know why he gets excited when I leave to do errands and at the time when we would have sex, I felt like an empty shell. Things have only gotten worse as he has emotionally been cheating on me with various co-workers and they say comments to me at parties when speaking about my husband and themselves going on business trips together, saying things like what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and brag how they really have gotten to know my husband working with him and spending 2 weeks alone with him on a work assignment. What disgusts me even more is when I have called him in the past while on a work assignment and he will actually answer only to have me hear a knocking on his door and him telling me that this young girl has to come into his room to use his work computer. Give me a break. I want out of this relationship so bad, and my children are totally being affected in such a negative way that it is saddening for the whole family.
  • AinScottsdale said Dec 22, 2009...
    I feel so much pity and compassion for you women. My heart aches at the turmoil and self loathing that has resulted from selfish and addicted sick men. But I feel more sorry for the men. Addiction to porn is like any other addiction, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger until you self destruct. First it's a six pack of beer then its a 12 pack then a 24 pack then you can't hold down a job then you are in jail for DWI. Same with porn, first it's adult girl on girl, then it's an 18 yr old girl with a 50 yr old guy then its violent with a girl who looks 14 then it's a boy who looks 7, resulting in his death. It requires something increasingly more and more perverse to get the same thrill. A severe addiction to porn is one way child molesters and violent serial rapists are born. They perpetrate many, many crimes-eventually get caught and end up getting repeatedly gang raped in prison. This is a vicious and horible cycle that you MUST get you and YOUR CHILDREN!! away from. Especially if he doesn't think its a problem, then he won't get help. The very sad fact is, most of us anymore have to make a choice-be alone or be in line for abuse. Lately there are very few men (and fewer and fewer women!) who are capable of healthy relationships. Yeah you can beat yourself up and try to cut a perfect form (although you will fail because no permanent change comes from a place of self loathing.) You can whine about it. You can cry about it. Or you can embrace the million and one wonderful things in life you can have without a man. You can accept What Is. Not what's fair, not what you want, not what was five minutes ago-simply What Is.
  • tangled.veins. said Apr 20, 2010...
    my bf said he didnt "want me that way" he said he wouldnt cheat on me while i "get in shape" excluding men. hes not even gay! or bi! he just finds me so unattractive he'd rather have sex with a guy than with me. :( I have done everything to try to satisfy him. We have been together for almost 2 years. he told me he didnt care how i looked and we seemed really happy. i guess he was just pretending. we had problems with him cheating before but like an idiot i forgave him, but i know he still thinks about it because im not super skinny. he told me he loves me, that im the love of his life, but its just not enough for him to see me that way. he said he would rather have meaningless sex then touch me and that hes gonna hurt me anyways, so i may as well just run away and leave him because hes a horrible person. How do you get through to someone with such a guilt trip? Should i just leave? What do i do? Im just starting to feel so horrible about myself. :(
  • ambi said Jun 10, 2010...
    hwy every one i dont its jus common thing me n ma husband r together for abt 3 years now it was completely arrange marriage but we liked each other we use to hav good sex but afetr two years almost he stop having sex initiallly i thought he had some problem i tried to talk to him but he was always like i am not attractive towards u any more i am good looking smart gul n he thinks i am hot but still he don wanna hav sex recently i found he was cheating on me i forgiv him bcoz i lov him so much but its jus he told me how he likes having sex with other gul even though she was so ugly he really wanna sav our marriage but we don understand wats going on some one plzzzzzzz tell me wat i should do i don wanna loose him
  • PinkDiamondz said Oct 18, 2010...
    You could also buy a perfume that makes you feel sexy and spritz it on randomly, sometimes when you're going out. I think pampering yourself is one of the best ways to boost self-esteem. And practice moving like you have the body you want, like you know you're sexy. Flirt with your husband by turning your head away with a smile when he tries to kiss you hello. (I just did this yesterday, and it drove him wild!) I guarantee that if you try that in a few weeks after gaining your indpendence back and giving him some space, it will lead to him pouncing on you and pinning you to the bed, wild with desire. Don't care what he thinks of you, just have fun with him...but remember, men like to be the ones to initiate sex, otherwise they get bored. Stop trying so hard. Wear your hear the way You like it, dress cute and flirty, the way you like to. Wear the makeup you like. It is always good to wear makeup and look like you love and value yourself, just do it for You, not him. When you stop focusing on him and start focusing on you, he'll want you and desire you again. And always tell yourself...ifhe doesn't love me, someone else will. Be sexy and cute and happy and busy because you are!
  • PinkDiamondz said Oct 18, 2010...
    If he's looking at other women or at porn, just smile and think happy thoughts so that you can be happy. Even if it bothers you, don't show it. If you act disinterested in him he'll wonder why and he'll vie for your affections and attentions again and he'll have no time for looking at other women because all his time will be spent trying to win back that dynamic girl he once married! Definitely don't demean yourself by making comments about other guys or by commenting on his wandering eyes because soon they'll only be wandering your way! Act as if you have much bigger and better things on your mind than what he's doing or thinking. Don't be rude, just be busy...body and mind. Be daydreamy and imagine whatever makes you smile. And don't be too eager in bed. Remember, it's his job to please you, not the other way around. That's the natural order of things, and he'll like it if he has to work for it. ;) If your husband has lowered your self-esteem, and you worry how you look during sex, then close your eyes and just feel! Feel how great it feels to be desired and to have him at your beck and call to do anything you want just to make you feel good. Imagine your sexy body...and know that he's admiring it as you lie there with your eyes closed and enjoy his attempts at pleasing you. And once he starts wanting you again like he used to you can every once in awhile initiate sex in a playful way. Otherwise, wait for him. Just know you're gorgeous and that you're the only one he can have sex with and that he will. Remember also that if you're not having sex regularly your body is going to emit signals to guys that will let them know you're ready. Even if it takes awhile for your man to notice, other guys will. And when they do, you can enjoy their smiles and niceties without flirting. Just enjoy it to boost your self-esteem.
  • PinkDiamondz said Oct 18, 2010...
    And when you go out those couple nights a week leave you phone off or just don't return his calls or texts. Even during the week don't be eager to be at his beck and call and get back to him right away...after all, don't you have something more important to do? ;) Yeah, let him wait a little. It will be good for him. And if he gets angry...at least he's starting to show attention. Just be happy and light and pleasant. Don't engage in any battle of wills with him. Also, don't offer your whereabouts. Just leave a note that you're out and maybe and ILU. Later, come home refreshed and happy and breeze into the bedroom for nighty-night. You can b coy about where you were if he asks. Maybe say with a yawn, "Oh, I was just out enjoying myself." This drives guys nuts, but in a good way. See, by doing this you're acting more like them, which they actually like! I've been accused of "being more like a guy than most guys" in my thinking. I'm only 5'2" and 105 lbs. And I dress and act very ladylike, but I'm not prone to the emotional outbursts that some girls are. I'm more calm and logical, so that's what was meant by that statement because I'm not easily controlled, though plenty of men have tried. Anyway, I just wanted to pass along some info that has worked well For me. Anyway, just have fun being you and men will have fun being with you...in and out of bed. Walk, talk, move like you know he's watching your hips sway and know he wants to just grab you and take you. Who cares what he's really doing, just have fun! You can't be sexy unless your umagination is sexy, so let it run wild and have fun!!!
  • PinkDiamondz said Oct 18, 2010...
    Another thing I think helps is not to use the same bodywash, hair care, and deoderant as your husband. Lots of couples get into this habit, but it kind of desensitizes them to your unique scent and it makes you feel less ssexy. There are lots of great Women Only beauty products that you can get at www.marykay.com/pinkdiamondz The Only You perfume gets me lots of compliments! And the Timewise moisturizer with SPF nad bodywash make skin feel great! Have fun being beautiful! If there's anything I can help with, email me at pinkdiamondz@ymail.com
  • graceforever said Dec 10, 2010...
    i have been married for a year and a half. but the weird thing is my husband never wanted to have sex with me right from day one!!! we never went for a honey moon, he hates to take me out anywhere.. this makes me feel he doesn't like to be seen anywhere with me. whe i asked him so as to why we do not have sex... he says he is not sexually attracted to me...he said i have small breasts,am short and that i am fat.( we dated for 6 years before tying the knot) i have also discovered that he is a transvestite and also a bisexual.... so i am thinking this is the reason probably for his lack of drive...i am a doctor and in india... i have shared this with my parents... though they are deeply worried about it, they are also fully supportive for a divorce. i do not know when i am given an option of a divorce...why i feel so sad and finally decide to just stick on... but i am clearly not happy at all... i do not know wht to do... i am from south india .. a very conserved society where divorcees are still not accepted in the society.
  • lilsue said Jan 14, 2011...
    I'm 21 years old been married for three years, I can honestly say my husband is the love of my life! Lately our sex life has suffered though, we have an 11 month old lil boy so I've already gotten the tired excuse from him. But he's leaving in a few weeks on another deployment this is his third since weve Been married and he usually goes nuts trying to have sex as much as possible before he leaves. But when we get started and start with foreplay he gets soo turned on but when it comes time to actually have sex he loses his erection....I feel so awful. Why isn't he turned on by me anymore? I do my hair and makeup everyday I dress nice I take care of everything in our household (cook clean childcare manage the bills and financing) so when he comes home from work all he has to do is play with our son. I've recently lost weight as well I've. Gone down three pant sizes my boobs are even more perky from my workouts...I just don't get it ... he trys haveing sex with me but it just never gets to that point. I know I am an attractive woman I get hit on constantly by other men. It does make my husband jealous but I'm 100 percent commited to him and he knows that. I give him love and affection all the time, he has his freedoms as well.. his friends are over almost every night and I give them space to have man time but it just seems like no matter how good I am to him or how great I look I'm just not worth his time for sex....

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